i disappear...

 into

you

just...

 dance me

the touch...

i touched the moon last night
it felt like
you

first kiss...

the night i etched your name
upon my lonely heart

i knew in that first kiss
that fate would have us part

but not before love’s silent touch
held both our souls in clutch

the snow tiger...

he had thought that he was safe
there in his forest of ice
he’d left the world of light and warmth behind
choosing instead a life of dark and cold
he had feared the heat of the other world
feared it with a passion most never know
feared it as most would love their mates
but fear it he did -

for he was

the snow tiger 

he’d painted his hard lean body
in stripes of shadows and light
the black of black the white of white
he’d painted it like the stripes on the trees
with their ribbons of frost
not to be seen by day or by night

and so he lived in the vast wasteland of steel and cold
there he’d worked feverishly to uphold
never allowing another in
guarding the glacier that was all him
never leaving the safety of his self-made lair

he’d thought that he was happy there
that he was safe
but only one as frigid as he could survive such a place
there was no nourishment to be found in the arctic woods

he hunted here he hunted there he hunted everywhere
but the gnawing hunger remained
it gnawed through his belly and into his cold dark heart
leaving a hole that could not be filled
and soon he knew there was nothing left
in his forest to be hunted - to be consumed -
to ease the pain of his hunger as it grew
the hunger he had felt before
but which now became a ravishing sword

and then one day at the forest edge
as he crept closer and closer still
there stood a vision he ne’er had seen before
but one he feared nevertheless -
he feared to the bottom of his lonely soul
and knew in his gut that this vision meant danger
danger to him and to all that was his

the vision remained - there it stood -
starring straight into the windows of his barren soul
something familiar something once known
or maybe just a dream
but no - it was a mortal creature the vision he feared
a mortal creature with long dark hair that softly swept
the snow beneath her human feet

the sight of this mortal soul struck a chord of primal fear
her haunting black eyes never left his icy stare
her scent attacked the spirit he’d long forgot
he thought perhaps she was just a gentle breeze
blown by the dusty figments of his empty imagination
for the trees in his forest had long since lost their leaves

he could not strike and he could not flee
he was transfixed frozen in her light
and what of that light - it was not white, that must be it
this light - this unpure light - emitted something evil - something sinister
it had color - and that evil that he most feared - 

the one her light emitted
to the gods he implored - not this not this - this he could not survive
this would surely kill him - this - this was his most dreaded enemy
this was warmth!  life, even!  life, with passion!

and in that moment of time stood still
the she-creature fearing not his warrior stance
edged closer and closer again
moving toward him toward all that was his
he roared at her from the icy lobes of his fractured heart
threatening threatening again
but she did not fear him she did not retreat
closer still she edged into his sacred trees

her smell permeated deeper still
leaving his core needing more
his mind abandoned him
he could not think as before
and he knew that she brought with her
weapons the likes of which he’d never dreamed
and then his great claws began to lose their grip
their grip no longer holding to the frozen ground now turned liquid

her eyes never left his stare as she came toward him
bringing with her a strange never before felt sensation
it was foreign to him it burned his eyes attacked his nostrils flared
and invaded that secret part of him long held captive by the cold
this light that surrounded her now surrounded him
what could it be
his worst fear brought to reality?
what could it be?  who could she be?  who was she?
this mortal who walked in light and warmth and color

this light that once attacked his senses
somehow now seemed to ease the ravaging pit of his hunger
further and further she encroached
it seemed her odour ate at him it conquered advancing ever more

the light and the warmth that was her invaded even deeper
deeper into the darkest recesses surging but never retreating
until it reached the stalwart chambers of his heart of stone
seeping down into the crevasse of cold that had been his life
it left him dizzy it left him alive

then he realized that thing - the thing that she brought with her -
that light and warmth thing - it was something he almost remembered
from the other world - something he need not fear 
something that could be cherished, even -

 it was a thing called

love

and this other thing, this she-creature - 

this mortal whom he had first feared
he remembered her now, too
from once before in the land of light and warmth
yes
he remembered her now - 

she was the gypsywoman-

she had traveled far suffered much to reach him 

to save him from the ravages of his own frost

from the hunger that consumed him

she had come from the other world  

and she had come

for

him

fire and water...

the soft silky mist
that was him
enveloped the
liquid fire of her soul
surrounding her
holding her gently
caressing her
as her life force
poured into the
estuary of his heart
symbiotically inseparable
neither able to survive alone

sentenced to death if together

midnight blues...

steaming liquid dreams
swim in dark blue streams
filled with midnight screams

thirst borne within
penned on parchment skin
where passion’s been
smeared with mortal sin

hearts bleeding blue
soaking life through
love’s own taboo

the pretenders - excerpt...

it was for her to love forsake
she tried once and then tried twice
but unable to leave she paid the price
until the day she knew had come
it was now or never or both succumb  
with heart so heavy she made her way
to tell him goodbye on that sad day
her words struck them both like an icy death
neither able to speak or get their breath
they stood embraced in disbelief
unable to grasp the depth of their grief
their tears a river would make
they tried to be strong for the other’s sake
whispering their love in sobbing quivers
knowing their lives were now mere slivers
of what they had cherished for such a short time
a love unknown by most true love sublime
but coming not in fate’s right time

it came gradually...

he sits
in a room
void of life
his back to the open windows
virgin white sheers blow
the particles of his shattered life
blue walls wrapping
his slumped skeleton in the rigid chair
still he sits
staring at the cold hard floor
his lonely arms limp in his lap
he sits
and stares
but his eyes
are met with nothing
but emptiness
nothing on either side
of them
everything blank
and
he wonders
where it all went
those things that
are no more
that have ceased to exist
that have disappeared
from his sight
his hearing
his touch
his lips
from his very life
where are they now
her eyes
her lips
the sound of her
the feel of her
her love
her life
their life
and now
his own life
where are they now
without
her
and so
he sits
in a life
void
of all

   *
for her
it had come upon her gradually
her vision was the first to go
the first to no longer behold
the image of him
as though he had been seized
held captive by the shadow world
her eyes no longer
to hold him
caress him

and then
it had come upon her mouth
her lips lost their succulent pout
drained of their fullness
their very life
lips that had once
tasted his sweet spirit
lips that knew
the secrets of his soul
her lips no longer
to taste him

and then
it had come upon her hearing
the loss of sound
sounds now in whispers
whispers stretched from afar
from yesterday
now straining struggling
to reach the shores
of her own soul
the soul she once had shared
with him
sounds now silent

and then
it had come gradually
upon her touch
fingers that once had
harbored his heart
that once cradled his soul
embraced his love
fingers whose unique prints
now were etched from his life
with the acid of time
touch no longer touching

next came the loss of smell
his body’s bouquet
his sweet smellin’ spirit
that once had lit the way
out of her own darkness
the fragrance of his love
now cast into a thousand
wisps of windblown time

and with the loss of these
these filaments of her
there remained only
her mind
and
her heart
her mind now splintered
into fragments
it too began to disintegrate
to dissolve
into tarnished memories
memories tainted by
that demon time

and so there now remained
only her heart
the heart that once
beat only to the rhythm of him
fading now into that forest
of forbidden love
the heart that once had beat
to the drums of ancient mariners
upon the shores of antiquity
HER heart
her heart whose life flow
was conjoined with his
her heart that beat
as one with his
now
without him
slowed to shallow pulses
flickering dimly in the night
of her sorrow
her heart that now
without him
broken and shattered
as it was
was destined
to go as well
to go
gradually
suffering the same fate as
all the other parts of her
disappearing into the dank void
of what had been

and so it was that
it came upon her gradually
upon herself
her SELF
was the last to go
to go gradually
no longer distinguishable
from the ruined remains
now littering the floor
of the blank 
blue walls
that had
become
her
life

and

so 

it is

the dark of my heart...

light’s gone out down here           
deep down inside my heart
can't seem to find the way       
to turn it back on           
not sure i want to
there's comfort here
in the dark
the dark of my heart
there are things down here 
i don’t wanna see   
things i don’t wanna know       
light comes back on
no place to hide
no place to go
away from the light
wanna go back into the night
of shadows and dreams
where everything’s as it seems
go back down the one-way stairs
into the black of the black
never look up never look back
just stay down here
deep down inside
in the dark
the dark of my heart

the crimson vessel...

heart’s so full

of dark gray clouds

got me in its pull

wanna scream out loud

                        
but sound don’t come
to a heart heavy as mine
thoughts turned numb
stayin' alive just to pine

seems the skies above
feel the same bleak way
weepin’ my loss of love
drippin’ sadness night and day

rains come down
deep into my soul
so ‘fraid i’m gonna drown
and it stings me so

trickles down thru my flesh
strippin’ ‘way all that’s left
leavin’ nothin’ but an empty mess
like a sneaky sinister theft 

winds of despair
leavin’ my mind tossed about
can’t rebuild can’t repair
this crimson vessel full of doubt

the un-life...

thoughts
dangerous  thoughts
thoughts better left unthought
thoughts not thought before
not caught before
not sought before
thoughts
of you
twirling twisting their way
out of the cold barren skeleton of my soul
thoughts filled with xray images no longer black and white
taking form taking life taking my life taking me
rising falling pulsating fluctuating beating repeating
thoughts transforming morphing
melting into the laborious birth of words
encroaching on reality on my reality
on my sovereignty on my sanity
poison pitocin injected relentlessly into the muscle of my heart
contracting squeezing forcing out
giving birth to

words
dangerous words
words better left unsaid unspoken
words not thought before
not said before
words
to you
words now wandering winding the wanton highway of my heart
descending spiraling down from the cold canal of banality that was my life
words etched from the soft palliative clay no longer hard impenetrable stone
words rising giving rise
words lifted words lifting
lifting me carrying me taking me
away
away from this frigid forest
pushing me propelling me
forward pushing me toward
the promise of heat of life of love
of you
pushing propelling
me
into acting into action
into

acts
dangerous acts
acts better left undone acts known acts unknown
acts best forgot acts best left behind
acts
with you
acting as the ascending aorta pumping life pumping love
preserved in the empty chambers of what was
acts pumping pulsating promising
accentuated by desire by need by hunger by craving yearning
by a capsule life of passionless civility at times turned uncivil
acts now resisting
resisting reality
acts rebelling
rebelling acts
revolutionary acts
acts revolting revolving resolving
acts revealing
revealing me my thoughts my words
revealing now

feelings
dangerous feelings
feelings better left unfelt unfurled unfound
feelings not felt before not known before
feelings filled with the colors of chaos a kaleidescope of ambivalance
filled with love with lust
feelings of euphoria of elation of ecstasy
feelings
for you
feelings poised on the brink of reality
positioned to move to make
to make me
feelings moving me stirring me warming me warning me
feelings filling
filling me filling my heart
feelings floating freely
feelings freeing
floating toward the light toward heat toward life
toward you
freeing the chaos of complacency
freeing my soul my spirit
freeing me
to

love
dangerous love

into the darkness...

goin’ to bed
just at dark
shut my door
open my heart
no words spoken
nothing said
leavin’ that world behind
shutin’ out its distractions
distractions of the day

nothin' there for me

in that world of reality
goin’ into my night

the night of my heart
where only we exist
goin’ into my night
where i wanna stay
travelin’ into my thoughts
my thoughts of you
where time is uninterrupted
and hours don’t exist
findin’ that place with you
all i wanna do
goin’ into the night
into the darkness
goin’ into my darkness
the darkness of me and you
where blackest black is my only guide
the beacon of you calling me
like a moth to the flame
where love is no game
where love is the way
the only way
leading me straight to you
to us to our space our time
our love our life the only life
that is ours
life in the darkness
our love we confess
goin’ all the way in
into the darkness that is ours
lockin’ them out
lockin’ us in
into the darkness
the darkness of us
the darkness of
all things possible
the darkness of
my thoughts

fuoco velle vene...

he had thought of her constantly since the day they met
in truth, he no longer thought of anything else of anyone else
his thoughts had changed - his life had changed
the life that once had offered him security and refuge
no longer fit him no longer suited him
like an ill fitting tuxedo from yesteryear

his neatly structured life had somehow been altered
as if chemically altered, even
it had become suffocating stifling
threatening his very existence
leaving him gasping for the very life’s breath
that heretofore had sustained him so well -
at least, he had thought his life well-sustained
but now - now, something had changed
the brilliant mind once overflowing with intellectual data
like a schoolboy’s drooling dripping lollipop
now filled with cascades of shimmering colors
colors without shape or content or meaning
like a churning kaleidoscope
it was true - it could no longer be denied
but what it was - what it could be escaped him
he was the same as always
the architecture of his daily life had not changed
he did the same things at the same time
and in the same way as he always had done
but something indeed had changed -
and that change was as palpable as the
sweat pouring off a mississippi delta farmer
a hot sticky swaggering kind of sweat
that rolled down from his dark grey intellect
coursing raging throughout his body and
into the steamy viscous beating of his heart 
into the crimson caverns of his long forgot loins
settling there in a burning boiling pit of fire -
of love - of desire -
fire ignited in him by her -
this fuoco velle vene -

the chambers...

time drifted downward -
moment by melted moment

sifted silently and surely into

days darkened

emptied of all happiness 
their joy a thing long left behind

the echoes of those days

of life and love and laughter

carried now 
in the cold compartmentalized chambers

of separate lives...

i surrender...

i have fought far too long
etching memories into my heart
storing them safely
to take them down from
the shelf of what was
to hold them still to caress them
to sniff the fragrance of their time
a time when life was
when love was
when i was
when we were
fearing life unbearable
without the flavor of their reality
i have fought far too long
keeping them alive
keeping them at the surface
of the waters of my mind
where they could remain forever
cellularly connected to the me of me
so that my soul might still survive
the dankness and darkness of
the nothingness of now
the now without you
the now without us
and therefore, the now without me
for what can remain of me
when that part of me that
completed me is gone
is no longer with me
no longer beside me
no longer in me
leaving this
nothingness of now
this absence this void
i have fought far too long
yes, it is true
so now - now -
now - i surrender
i surrender me
i surrender all that was
all that could have been
that should have been
that never can be again
i surrender all
else how might i go on
how might you continue
each not living while alive
each choosing death by life
so i surrender
to love to passion to life
i surrender to us
i shall choose to live
for us both
you there and me here
smiling for what was
weeping not
for what cannot be
yes, i surrender -
i surrender to the
magnificence of now

the magnificence the now
of love’s holy memories

she loved the way...

she loved the way
his eyes held her
how they floated toward her
embracing her
like angels’ wings
softly and tenderly
how they sparkled like
green and golden stars
on a dark winters’ night
how in his eyes not only
did she see his soul
but her own as well

she loved the way
his mouth worshipped her
with words of love
with sounds of love
as if she were
a greek goddess to whom
such homage should be paid
in diamonds and rubies
and when he kissed her
how his mouth cautiously
meandered from her
shoulder up the valley
of her neck to the curve
of her cheek and then
down to the plump
hills of her own waiting lips

she loved the way
his nostrils joyfully inhaled 

her fragrance her essence her very being
how they flared like a magnificent stallion
ever so slightly at just the sight of her and
how as he took a breath
she felt herself being
drawn down down into
the recesses of his
life forces

she loved the way
his sinewy hands had a life of their own

when he touched her
emitting powerful
electrical charges into her flesh
how they echoed the
rhymic beating
of her heart’s desire
deep inside its chamber of bone
and heard her heart sing
in exaltation to their touch

she loved the way
his body responded to her
to the image of her to the sound of her
the smell of her to the taste of her
to her response to him
how uncontrolled and uncontrollable
it became as if taken hostage by
some unseen cannibalistic cosmic force
all consuming devouring all in its path
until its thirst was momentarily quenched
its hunger momentarily satiated

she loved the way
that theirs was a passion a lust a love
so intense as to defy the physical alone
demanding all and then more
as it did in a way that
neither could understand could comprehend
in a way neither had experienced before
and would ne’er experience with any other
in the way that they loved as no others had nor ever would

yes, they loved that way

the ocean of love...

she had tried
oh god
how she had tried                                           
not to look to see                                           
not to think to feel                               
to smell to taste                                       
to want to need
to succumb
to surrender sanity
to relinquish reality to
that galvanizing first glance
the look
the lock of the eyes
that instantaneous knowing
the gnawing familiarity
the instant intimacy
for where could it lead?
but to no man’s land                                       
no woman’s land                                       
the land of denial                                       
the land of self-denial   
land of deceit deception
the land of no return
the isle  of exile
this dangerous territory
to which they both were
foreigners in a foreign land
and so it was that
she took flight
bolted broke loose escaped
escaped with her soul intact
her virtue whole
her heart held ransom
vowing never to return
and now -
now
she tried
oh god 

how she tried
to forget
to erase eradicate exterminate
but it was not to be
she was not set free
she was herself                                       
now the quarry                                       
prey to the polarizing                                       
pull of cerulean circles   
relentlessly pursued
hunted stalked and found
by the blue angel of love
love amytal barbital veronal
love hypnotic
she had been ambushed
taken by brute force                               
ripped away ravaged by                                       
its raging currents                                        
taken to deep dark crevices she had never known
chasms long forgot   
places where he awaited her                                   
and now held captive                                       
she was love’s captive   
captivated                                    
a creature confined
a prisoner held hostage
by the deep                                    
endless
unfathomable
sea green oceans
of love and lust

the street shadow...

i walk the lonely streets
phantom shadows without you

and see the world around me
bleak and empty without your presence

i hear the sounds of music
made silent without your laugh

and taste the dark sweet chocolate
turned bitter without your lips

i smell the flowers’ fragrances
malodorousness without you

and feel the shafts of sun upon me
turn icy cold without your arms

i sleep away the darkness
made hellish without your touch

and speak the language
of loveless words without your name

i write these words
indelibly spilling from 
my bleeding heart

and dream of days now gone
of life with you

the taste of raindrops...

in sweet sleep
the soft rhythmic splash

of raindrops

trickled into her thoughts

like the

taste

of

him