the un-life...

thoughts
dangerous  thoughts
thoughts better left unthought
thoughts not thought before
not caught before
not sought before
thoughts
of you
twirling twisting their way
out of the cold barren skeleton of my soul
thoughts filled with xray images no longer black and white
taking form taking life taking my life taking me
rising falling pulsating fluctuating beating repeating
thoughts transforming morphing
melting into the laborious birth of words
encroaching on reality on my reality
on my sovereignty on my sanity
poison pitocin injected relentlessly into the muscle of my heart
contracting squeezing forcing out
giving birth to

words
dangerous words
words better left unsaid unspoken
words not thought before
not said before
words
to you
words now wandering winding the wanton highway of my heart
descending spiraling down from the cold canal of banality that was my life
words etched from the soft palliative clay no longer hard impenetrable stone
words rising giving rise
words lifted words lifting
lifting me carrying me taking me
away
away from this frigid forest
pushing me propelling me
forward pushing me toward
the promise of heat of life of love
of you
pushing propelling
me
into acting into action
into

acts
dangerous acts
acts better left undone acts known acts unknown
acts best forgot acts best left behind
acts
with you
acting as the ascending aorta pumping life pumping love
preserved in the empty chambers of what was
acts pumping pulsating promising
accentuated by desire by need by hunger by craving yearning
by a capsule life of passionless civility at times turned uncivil
acts now resisting
resisting reality
acts rebelling
rebelling acts
revolutionary acts
acts revolting revolving resolving
acts revealing
revealing me my thoughts my words
revealing now

feelings
dangerous feelings
feelings better left unfelt unfurled unfound
feelings not felt before not known before
feelings filled with the colors of chaos a kaleidescope of ambivalance
filled with love with lust
feelings of euphoria of elation of ecstasy
feelings
for you
feelings poised on the brink of reality
positioned to move to make
to make me
feelings moving me stirring me warming me warning me
feelings filling
filling me filling my heart
feelings floating freely
feelings freeing
floating toward the light toward heat toward life
toward you
freeing the chaos of complacency
freeing my soul my spirit
freeing me
to

love
dangerous love

into the darkness...

goin’ to bed
just at dark
shut my door
open my heart
no words spoken
nothing said
leavin’ that world behind
shutin’ out its distractions
distractions of the day

nothin' there for me

in that world of reality
goin’ into my night

the night of my heart
where only we exist
goin’ into my night
where i wanna stay
travelin’ into my thoughts
my thoughts of you
where time is uninterrupted
and hours don’t exist
findin’ that place with you
all i wanna do
goin’ into the night
into the darkness
goin’ into my darkness
the darkness of me and you
where blackest black is my only guide
the beacon of you calling me
like a moth to the flame
where love is no game
where love is the way
the only way
leading me straight to you
to us to our space our time
our love our life the only life
that is ours
life in the darkness
our love we confess
goin’ all the way in
into the darkness that is ours
lockin’ them out
lockin’ us in
into the darkness
the darkness of us
the darkness of
all things possible
the darkness of
my thoughts

handyman handyman...

went to bed last night 
wasn’t nothin’ right
no bing in my life ain’t got no zing
so many things needin’ fixin’
but what’s a girl ta do
some things just take two
course, i do what i can
but i need me a handyman
 

went to bed last night and just couldn’t sleep
wound up thinkin’ ‘bout countin’ some sheep
tossed and turned and tossed some more
had a little fever that couldn’t be ignored
curled up like a baby and sucked my thumb
but sleep wouldn’t come
course i do what i can
but i need me a handyman 

went to bed last night and by mornin’s light
fever’s so high thought i’d ignite
feeling all tired and blue
sweet tastin’ exilir long overdue
but there i was home all alone
all dressed up in just my cologne
course i do what i can
but i need me a handyman
 

went to bed last night stayin’ in bed till noon
kept thinkin’ bout that big ‘ole moon
lay there in my bed with my head in my hand
gettin’ real tired of a life all bland
so i got up and found those yellow pages
ain’t gonna be livin’ them dark ages
course i do what i can
but i’m gonna git me a handyman

the love of alice...

if i look long enough
if i look hard enough
do you think it possible
that i  might find
my long lost lovin’ mind
lost to the
ravages of your
mysterious kind
if i look deep enough
and deeper still
might i find love
upon the hard flat sill
that borders the lifescape
of your worn weary heart
if i climb down and down
into the looking glass now
might i be then a
part of your life
a life so lost in the
echos of time
no longer true
nothing makes sense
just a piece of this
cold hard brass
if i look long enough
if i look deep enough
if i climb down enough
where would i be
neverneverland
and no longer
me

PLEASE LOOK BELOW FOR

TODAY'S OTHER POST

indigo love...

feather quill dipped
in the crystal ink well 

of my starving soul
seeking searching
the holy grail
deeper and deeper
riding the waves of
indigo swirls
touches of thoughts
coming now
cling to the long
hard shaft in your
heart held hand
hold the tip
ever so close
making your mark
till I weep
songs of love
on your

parchment
sheet

fuoco velle vene...

he had thought of her constantly since the day they met
in truth, he no longer thought of anything else of anyone else
his thoughts had changed - his life had changed
the life that once had offered him security and refuge
no longer fit him no longer suited him
like an ill fitting tuxedo from yesteryear

his neatly structured life had somehow been altered
as if chemically altered, even
it had become suffocating stifling
threatening his very existence
leaving him gasping for the very life’s breath
that heretofore had sustained him so well -
at least, he had thought his life well-sustained
but now - now, something had changed
the brilliant mind once overflowing with intellectual data
like a schoolboy’s drooling dripping lollipop
now filled with cascades of shimmering colors
colors without shape or content or meaning
like a churning kaleidoscope
it was true - it could no longer be denied
but what it was - what it could be escaped him
he was the same as always
the architecture of his daily life had not changed
he did the same things at the same time
and in the same way as he always had done
but something indeed had changed -
and that change was as palpable as the
sweat pouring off a mississippi delta farmer
a hot sticky swaggering kind of sweat
that rolled down from his dark grey intellect
coursing raging throughout his body and
into the steamy viscous beating of his heart 
into the crimson caverns of his long forgot loins
settling there in a burning boiling pit of fire -
of love - of desire -
fire ignited in him by her -
this fuoco velle vene -

seeking stillness...

hmmmm...i've been at my computer now for quite a while and remain unable to find the thoughts or words for posting - for posting anything at all - my thoughts the past few days seem to be inundated with "movement and chaos" [as my travel journal post refers to yesterday] - and sadness -

and, needing desparately right now to find a state of "stillness" within, with which to counter the chaos,  i think i have to be away for just a day or two - so, i'm headed to that inner island you see above -

in the meantime, i know you'll save a place for me in your "happy place" -

later, friends -

jenean

you are not gone...

you are not gone - but there -

you are there - with me in the morning sun that kisses my cheeks
and every night when ambient gold moonbeams cradle me in the dark

you are with me in the billowy clouds brushing cross their azure canvas leaving behind your face
and when the heavens drip their liquid caresses upon my shoulders

you are with me in the winds of time sweeping through the mountainous terrains of love’s memories
and in the gentlest breeze softly wrapping itself round me on a summer’s eve

you are with me in the torrid heat of a sultry summer day
and in the coldest winter night when i yearn for the warmth of your touch

you are with me in the sticky sweet nectar of a strawberry dribbling down my chin onto my breasts
and in all the sleepless nights when my hunger cannot be satiated

you are here - with me in the sensual churning waters lapping their way onto the shores of my soul
and in the rhymic push and pull of desire’s deepest tides

you are not gone - but here-

with
me

the chambers...

time drifted downward -
moment by melted moment

sifted silently and surely into

days darkened

emptied of all happiness 
their joy a thing long left behind

the echoes of those days

of life and love and laughter

carried now 
in the cold compartmentalized chambers

of separate lives...

i surrender...

i have fought far too long
etching memories into my heart
storing them safely
to take them down from
the shelf of what was
to hold them still to caress them
to sniff the fragrance of their time
a time when life was
when love was
when i was
when we were
fearing life unbearable
without the flavor of their reality
i have fought far too long
keeping them alive
keeping them at the surface
of the waters of my mind
where they could remain forever
cellularly connected to the me of me
so that my soul might still survive
the dankness and darkness of
the nothingness of now
the now without you
the now without us
and therefore, the now without me
for what can remain of me
when that part of me that
completed me is gone
is no longer with me
no longer beside me
no longer in me
leaving this
nothingness of now
this absence this void
i have fought far too long
yes, it is true
so now - now -
now - i surrender
i surrender me
i surrender all that was
all that could have been
that should have been
that never can be again
i surrender all
else how might i go on
how might you continue
each not living while alive
each choosing death by life
so i surrender
to love to passion to life
i surrender to us
i shall choose to live
for us both
you there and me here
smiling for what was
weeping not
for what cannot be
yes, i surrender -
i surrender to the
magnificence of now

the magnificence the now
of love’s holy memories

the fractured moment...

she remembers the first time
that he made love to her
 
she could never forget
how she waited in that room
how the sound of his voice
booming from down the hall
bombarded her senses like
the salute of exploding cannon balls
how the thud of his heavy footsteps
coming closer and closer still
took away her breath
she didn’t know what to expect
but she knew that she expected 
and then he’s there
sweeping into the room
a tsunami rushing the beach
standing in front of her
the gladiator stalking his prey
his woven net at the ready
his eyes immediately locking into hers
holding her thoughts ransom
leaving her unable to speak to think to move
to do anything but to be to feel
the touch of his hands
the taste of his mouth
how in that same captive look
he thrust his way into her
into her mind into her soul
his gladiator sword penetrating
piercing still through
all the barriers long defended
delving down deeper and deeper until
he held hostage her heart as well
all in that single
moment of fractured time
in which she knew she was forever lost
lost in torrents of lust and love
the land from which she never would escape
nor would she ever try
she knew she would remain there
forever confined to that place
without barriers without bars
forever of her own free will
because she could be nowhere else
than this - this place in time - with him
this place, this now was her home
the place she belonged
with him
and
his burning passion -

then 

her flaming eyes

blinked -

and there - there he was - still
still so close to her
she barely could breathe
holding out his long lean arm
to her and saying,
“Hello, I’m Vince!
It’s so nice to meet you!”

yes, she remembers
the first time
he made love to her

she loved the way...

she loved the way
his eyes held her
how they floated toward her
embracing her
like angels’ wings
softly and tenderly
how they sparkled like
green and golden stars
on a dark winters’ night
how in his eyes not only
did she see his soul
but her own as well

she loved the way
his mouth worshipped her
with words of love
with sounds of love
as if she were
a greek goddess to whom
such homage should be paid
in diamonds and rubies
and when he kissed her
how his mouth cautiously
meandered from her
shoulder up the valley
of her neck to the curve
of her cheek and then
down to the plump
hills of her own waiting lips

she loved the way
his nostrils joyfully inhaled 

her fragrance her essence her very being
how they flared like a magnificent stallion
ever so slightly at just the sight of her and
how as he took a breath
she felt herself being
drawn down down into
the recesses of his
life forces

she loved the way
his sinewy hands had a life of their own

when he touched her
emitting powerful
electrical charges into her flesh
how they echoed the
rhymic beating
of her heart’s desire
deep inside its chamber of bone
and heard her heart sing
in exaltation to their touch

she loved the way
his body responded to her
to the image of her to the sound of her
the smell of her to the taste of her
to her response to him
how uncontrolled and uncontrollable
it became as if taken hostage by
some unseen cannibalistic cosmic force
all consuming devouring all in its path
until its thirst was momentarily quenched
its hunger momentarily satiated

she loved the way
that theirs was a passion a lust a love
so intense as to defy the physical alone
demanding all and then more
as it did in a way that
neither could understand could comprehend
in a way neither had experienced before
and would ne’er experience with any other
in the way that they loved as no others had nor ever would

yes, they loved that way

tomorrow...

in how many lives
     have we loved before
 
i cannot count them all
     in how many more
 
shall we be one
     from the desert sands
 
of our yesterdays
    in the holy lands
 
to the sweeping shores
    of the oceans grand
 
in our tomorrows
    together we’ll stand