in the new year - and all years - i wish you...

burning

churning

gut
cinching
heart
wrenching
wild
wonderful
mad
passionate 

love

through you...

your eyes became 
my vision of the world of myself

your ears captured
the unsung songs of my love for you
your mouth 
the field of passion’s flavors upon my lips

tonight -

tonight i have no verse to write -

no stream of consciousness words

flowing forth -

no newly formed thoughts

to set out here -
tonight as each night 
there is only
the absence of you

the absence of us

of all that was

all that could have been

should have been

it is this nothingness that permeates

my soul

my being

my heart

it is this absence

that i taste

that i smell

that i touch

that i see

and hear

and feel

and

will

forever

more -

there is not

a cell in my body

that does not

scream out

your name

into the

dark revolting

nothingness of now

not a cell

in my body

that does not ache

long, yearn, beg

barter with the gods

for your touch

for the sight of you

the sound of you

for the scent of you

the taste of you -

but tonight -

tonight as each night -

yes, tonight

i will evade

this macabre reality

escaping into the shadow world

where we

still

are -

tonight, yes,

tonight as each night

we will be

together again -

together

in our dreams -

tonight -

THINKING OF YOU...

as we each journey into a new year,

thank you for traveling along with me -

wishing you peace love and passion -

jenean

the ocean of love...

she had tried
oh god
how she had tried                                           
not to look to see                                           
not to think to feel                               
to smell to taste                                       
to want to need
to succumb
to surrender sanity
to relinquish reality to
that galvanizing first glance
the look
the lock of the eyes
that instantaneous knowing
the gnawing familiarity
the instant intimacy
for where could it lead?
but to no man’s land                                       
no woman’s land                                       
the land of denial                                       
the land of self-denial   
land of deceit deception
the land of no return
the isle  of exile
this dangerous territory
to which they both were
foreigners in a foreign land
and so it was that
she took flight
bolted broke loose escaped
escaped with her soul intact
her virtue whole
her heart held ransom
vowing never to return
and now -
now
she tried
oh god 

how she tried
to forget
to erase eradicate exterminate
but it was not to be
she was not set free
she was herself                                       
now the quarry                                       
prey to the polarizing                                       
pull of cerulean circles   
relentlessly pursued
hunted stalked and found
by the blue angel of love
love amytal barbital veronal
love hypnotic
she had been ambushed
taken by brute force                               
ripped away ravaged by                                       
its raging currents                                        
taken to deep dark crevices she had never known
chasms long forgot   
places where he awaited her                                   
and now held captive                                       
she was love’s captive   
captivated                                    
a creature confined
a prisoner held hostage
by the deep                                    
endless
unfathomable
sea green oceans
of love and lust

dear friends -

just to let you know, as my little campfires in blogland bear witness, the past week or so has found me distracted and sidetracked with the ups and downs of familial and other issues which have taken me from my usual time and energies on my own blogs and those of dear friends such as you -  in addition, i'm working on a couple of LARGE art pieces with imminent deadlines -

so please forgive my seemingly "irreverent" attention here and know that my lack of regular postings and comments in no way reflects anything except that which it is - peripheral things to which i must attend for a couple of weeks -

but i'll be back and forth as i can so please check over at my places at your leisure, as i, of course, will yours!  and, as always, i'll be thinking of you and yours with much affection - jenean

liés par la morale

why

could we not
forget right
embracing only the moment

why

could we not
forgive ourselves
save ourselves
each for the other...

why 
do we each now
have to suffer
the sorrow...
the loneliness...


of being
apart....

the rest of the story is YOUR story...

who is this beautiful woman?
from where does she come?
who is the black-haired man? 
what is his involvement with her?

what is he thinking?  feeling?

what is she thinking?  feeling?
she is being sent away in bondage - or so it seems - is she?
if she is, what unpardonable sin has she committed -
what law broken that forces her into this exile -
to what and where is she being exiled and for how long -
does this exile include death? -
what is she saying to YOU?

what story do YOU see here?  feel here?
tell us in your comment - and don't be shy!

the blue...

she knew
                  she was lost                  
                                  as she spiraled
                                                        into the icy blue waters
                                                                                         that were his eyes

the street shadow...

i walk the lonely streets
phantom shadows without you

and see the world around me
bleak and empty without your presence

i hear the sounds of music
made silent without your laugh

and taste the dark sweet chocolate
turned bitter without your lips

i smell the flowers’ fragrances
malodorousness without you

and feel the shafts of sun upon me
turn icy cold without your arms

i sleep away the darkness
made hellish without your touch

and speak the language
of loveless words without your name

i write these words
indelibly spilling from 
my bleeding heart

and dream of days now gone
of life with you

i woke up this mornin'...

i woke up this mornin'
wantin’ some
soft mellow bliss

some snow white happiness
didn’t wanna hafta dress
with banks of icy drifts
up against my front door
from down at the floor
up to the roof

yeah, i woke up this mornin'
wantin’ that bad ole’ blizzard
to have come and gone
way ‘fore dawn
leavin’ behind its powdery flakes
like sparklin’ diamonds on a silvery lake

but much ta my dismay
i woke up this mornin’
to a dark dreary day
all yucky and gray
rainin’ and rainin’ some more
wet stuff galore

i woke up this mornin’
layin’ here on my blanket of red
dreadin’ gettin’ outta bed
but dreadin’ stayin’ in it
cause you ain’t here
ta hold me near

yeah, i woke up this mornin’
wantin’ some
soft mellow bliss
so come on over now
come on over and
gimme
a
little
kiss

she knew...

she knew -
standing there
on the slippery precipice
how could she not know
the danger
the darkness
the death
that awaited her
the soft silky mist
swirling
enveloped her soul
twirling
surrounded her
whirling
holding her gently
but holding her still
as her life force
poured into
the liquid torrent
that was
his
heart -
she knew -

the taste of raindrops...

in sweet sleep
the soft rhythmic splash

of raindrops

trickled into her thoughts

like the

taste

of

him

the compass...

wandering
wondering
pondering
plundering
lost and alone
faded and fallen
disowned unknown
yearning
longing
craving
not yet known
not yet found
gone
but never had
absent
barren
nonexistent
missing
missing me
missing you
missing us
wanting
needing
waiting
seeking searching
 
the foggy roads
  crooked paths
  raging rivers
the mist the miles
by love’s grace
all led but one place
toward my fate
 
one look
and
i was found
 
one touch
and
i belonged
 
one kiss
and
i was home

the dance...

come to me

come with me

                                                               out of control          
to the chaos                      
through the ambivalence                             
into the lustlight        

come

terra incognita...

she had become homesick

for something quite unknown

something unfamiliar something she seemed

to have known to have felt to have been

some other time some other place

but when or where remained a mystery to her

what or who it was she could not remember

an agnogenic condition for sure but homesick she stayed

and so it was that her nostalgia grew

as did her yearning for that something missing

not complete not whole she could not quite grasp

sadness coupled with longing soon turned to despair

longing for a thing she could not even name despair for a thing unknown

the more she tried to remember to surrender

to the mist of her faded memory

the more embattled her soul

as if some stranger some trespasser

a foreign interloper had quietly and stealthily sneaked

into the deepest recesses of her self

and plucked and plundered till there was no more remaining

no more indeed not even a drop

of what was of what had been of what should still be

that obscure something for which her melancholy grew

and which soon twisted into a weariness begging for resignation

resigning herself to lost recollection to lost recognition

nothing could salvage what was not there

nothing short of divination

and so in her abject morbid meditation

as she sat staring into the nothingness of her days

something caught her eye

an illusion almost an image a manifestation

of something but of what

what was it that she saw there

staring back at her from the other side

slowly ever so slowly she began to see what was

it began to take shape to become -

that something she could not name

began to blossom to grow to regenerate

the skeletal pieces came together

blanketed by a soft pink flesh

under which she could feel

slowly but surely beating - her heart

she glanced furtively upward directly into the eyes of -

of that something she was missing

that she had almost forgotten

that she had nearly lost

the eyes of herSELF -

and then she saw not just the pieces but the whole

the thing for which she had become homesick

the thing unknown unfamiliar

it was her - 
without
him

the pretenders...

the day they met
how could she forget
she’d found him in the phone book
the sound of his name drew her like a hook
she would say the words aloud
wrapping each in a mystical shroud
letting the syllables linger on her lips
tasting their softness like a lunar eclipse
she wondered of the spell they seemed to cast
the likes of which were unsurpassed
and so she waited debated over and over
carrying his number like a four leaf clover
then came the day she could no longer wait
she dialed his phone and sealed her fate
he did not just walk into the room
oh, no, he stormed into her life like a sonic boom
his passion striking with the speed of sound
and from that moment their love was bound
their fire and love did them enslave
merging and igniting their own shock wave
when they were together nothing else did exist
nothing mattered at all save their sweet kiss
their other lives became the means to an end
possible only for the life of pretend
and so it went moment by heated moment
one surrendered one stolen without a hint
or so they hoped or so they thought
but what if their ways would have them caught
and innocents would suffer at their hands
this her loving heart could not withstand
it would never be him to make the break
it was for her to love forsake
she tried once and then tried twice
but unable to leave she paid the price
until the day she knew had come
it was now or never or both succumb  
with heart so heavy she made her way
to tell him goodbye on that sad day
her words struck them both like an icy death
neither able to speak or get their breath
they stood embraced in disbelief
unable to grasp the depth of their grief
their tears a river would make
they tried to be strong for the other’s sake
whispering their love in sobbing quivers
knowing their lives were now mere slivers
of what they had cherished for such a short time
a love unknown by most true love sublime
but coming not in fate’s right time

she thinks of him now she thinks of them
and neither their time nor their love does she condemn
nothing in their lives really has changed
their hearts remain faithful their bodies estranged
their other lives again the means to an end
possible still with the life of pretend

the west texas dust storm kinda love...

i want me some

west texas dust storm

kinda love

                    plowing

                    pounding

i want the kind that                           

rams into me like
a gale force wind

comin’ in 
striking me with

all its fury

knocking me out

of my arid reality

penetrating through

the outer layers

past the buffers

in between                   

                    plunging

                    puncturing

i want the kind that

shows no clemency

movin’ me

in ways inexplicable

entangling my hair

stinging my eyes

stirring my heart

ripping my soul apart

ramming deeper and deeper

grinding down and round

oozing into that deep dark

core of no return

                    penetrating

                    permeating                   

i want the kind that

drives the gusts

of love unbridled

transporting me from

the lifeless illusion

and hard dry surface of

my existence

suspending me in time

eroding all of what was

depositing what is into

the lush oasis of love

unknown before

                    piercing the heart

                    piercing the flesh

                    merciless

yeah, i want me some

west texas dust storm

kinda love...

                    electrifying

                    death-defying

the hope...

hear my tears that are not wept
        this the only hope she kept
know the words left unsaid
        for to another was he wed

the jewel...

she crept through all the motions
casting aside her burning emotions
day after day and night after night
fighting her cares with all her might

she dressed for the eyes of others
tho she’d clothe not at all given her druthers
shimmering gown and sparkling jewels
all adorned for the judging fools
   
if only they knew what they could not see
for deep down inside was a screaming banshee
but what could they know of love so true
which to them was only a torrid taboo

and so it was that she went moment by moment
pretending without a hint not even a glint
living a lie lying to live unable to forgive
her heart breaking bleeding like a sieve

passion unbridled soul on fire
all for a love she n’er could acquire

freedom of the fence...

fence

barrier

barbwire

split rail

envelop

entwine

hold

open plains

circle round

climb over

climb under

gate open

never locked

open wide

shut behind

leave any time

no one in

only us

free to go

free to stay

free to be
need to be

free

society's compound...

its fence did not me confine 
it did not me bind
          lock in - convention 
it did not contain
it did not me detain
          keep out - conduct 
it did not control
it did not me enroll
          lock out - conform 
it did not conquer
it did not me defer
          keep in - correct 
it took not its toll
nor did it take my heart or my soul

the fairytale lake...

there once in heaven was a maiden fair

with deep brown eyes and long dark hair

born on the moon to the molten sun

her life on earth just begun

when there she met a man of stone and ice

with snow white hair and cold blue eyes

who lived afar in the vast frozen land  

neither sun nor heat could thus withstand

but in his eyes she saw the key

to the shackles of all to set them free

from his barren heart and her fiery fate

together they trekked to the glacier’s gates

and there made camp on an alpine lake

with temperate climes they could partake

and so they found the way to love long lost

in a land of warmth and a touch of frost