unfulfilled love - unrequited love - love relinquished - life unlived...

we all are gypsies of a sort wandering traveling through this life other lives space and time here there and yon on roads less traveled - this is a written and visual journal of my own travels - imagined and/or real - come along with me - we'll dance among the stars under the sun and over the moon - we'll share our stories of love around the campfire - come along -

poetry from the heart...


POETRY FROM THE HEART - my own words dedicated to all the words left unspoken, the acts left undone - the love unlived unfulfilled -

i dance with you...only in dreams...

tweet me, but tweet me gently, please!

Thursday, December 31, 2009

in the new year - and all years - i wish you...


burning
churning
gut
cinching
heart
wrenching
wild
wonderful
mad
passionate 
love

Monday, December 28, 2009

through you...


your eyes became 
my vision of the world of myself
your ears captured
the unsung songs of my love for you
your mouth 

the field of passion’s flavors upon my lips

Saturday, December 26, 2009

tonight -



tonight i have no verse to write -
no stream of consciousness words
flowing forth -
no newly formed thoughts
to set out here -
tonight as each night 
there is only
the absence of you
the absence of us
of all that was
all that could have been
should have been
it is this nothingness that permeates
my soul
my being
my heart
it is this absence
that i taste
that i smell
that i touch
that i see
and hear
and feel
and
will
forever
more -
there is not
a cell in my body
that does not
scream out
your name
into the
dark revolting
nothingness of now
not a cell
in my body
that does not ache
long, yearn, beg
barter with the gods
for your touch
for the sight of you
the sound of you
for the scent of you
the taste of you -
but tonight -
tonight as each night -
yes, tonight
i will evade
this macabre reality
escaping into the shadow world
where we
still
are -
tonight, yes,
tonight as each night
we will be
together again -
together
in our dreams -
tonight -

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

THINKING OF YOU...



as we each journey into a new year,
thank you for traveling along with me -
wishing you peace love and passion -
jenean

Sunday, December 13, 2009

the ocean of love...



















she had tried
oh god
how she had tried                                           
not to look to see                                           
not to think to feel                               
to smell to taste                                       
to want to need
to succumb
to surrender sanity
to relinquish reality to
that galvanizing first glance
the look
the lock of the eyes
that instantaneous knowing
the gnawing familiarity
the instant intimacy

for where could it lead?
but to no man’s land                                       
no woman’s land                                       
the land of denial                                       
the land of self-denial   
land of deceit deception
the land of no return
the isle  of exile
this dangerous territory
to which they both were
foreigners
in a foreign land
and so it was that
she took flight
bolted broke loose escaped
escaped with her soul intact
her virtue whole
her heart held ransom
vowing never to return

and now -
now
she tried
oh god 

how she tried
to forget
to erase eradicate exterminate
but it was not to be
she was not set free
she was herself                                       
now the quarry                                       
prey to the polarizing                                       
pull of cerulean circles   
relentlessly pursued
hunted stalked and found
by the blue angel of love
love amytal barbital veronal
love hypnotic

she had been ambushed
taken by brute force                               
ripped away ravaged by                                       
its raging currents                                        
taken to deep dark crevices she had never known
chasms long forgot   
places where he awaited her                                   
and now held captive                                       
she was love’s captive   
captivated                                    
a creature confined
a prisoner held hostage
by the deep                                    
endless

unfathomable
sea green oceans
of love and lust

Saturday, December 12, 2009

dear friends -

just to let you know, as my little campfires in blogland bear witness, the past week or so has found me distracted and sidetracked with the ups and downs of familial and other issues which have taken me from my usual time and energies on my own blogs and those of dear friends such as you -  in addition, i'm working on a couple of LARGE art pieces with imminent deadlines -

so please forgive my seemingly "irreverent" attention here and know that my lack of regular postings and comments in no way reflects anything except that which it is - peripheral things to which i must attend for a couple of weeks -

but i'll be back and forth as i can so please check over at my places at your leisure, as i, of course, will yours!  and, as always, i'll be thinking of you and yours with much affection - jenean

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

liés par la morale

why
could we not
forget right
embracing only the moment

why
could we not
forgive ourselves
save ourselves
each for the other...

why 
do we each now
have to suffer
the sorrow...
the loneliness...


of being
apart....

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

the rest of the story is YOUR story...


who is this beautiful woman?
from where does she come?
who is the black-haired man? 
what is his involvement with her?
what is he thinking?  feeling?
what is she thinking?  feeling?
she is being sent away in bondage - or so it seems - is she?
if she is, what unpardonable sin has she committed -
what law broken that forces her into this exile -
to what and where is she being exiled and for how long -
does this exile include death? -
what is she saying to YOU?

what story do YOU see here?  feel here?
tell us in your comment - and don't be shy!


Sunday, December 6, 2009

the blue...
















she knew
                  she was lost                  
                                  as she spiraled
                                                        into the
icy blue waters
                                                                                         that were his eyes

Thursday, December 3, 2009

the street shadow...

































i walk the lonely streets
phantom shadows without you


and see the world around me
bleak and empty without your presence

i hear the sounds of music
made silent without your laugh


and taste the dark sweet chocolate
turned bitter without your lips

i smell the flowers’ fragrances

malodorousness without you

and feel the shafts of sun upon me
turn icy cold without your arms

i sleep away the darkness
made hellish without your touch


and speak the language
of loveless words without your name

i write these words
indelibly spilling from 

my bleeding heart

and dream of days now gone
of life with you

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

i woke up this mornin'...





























i woke up this mornin'
wantin’ some
soft mellow bliss
some snow white happiness
didn’t wanna hafta dress
with banks of icy drifts
up against my front door
from down at the floor
up to the roof

yeah, i woke up this mornin'
wantin’ that bad ole’ blizzard
to have come and gone
way ‘fore dawn
leavin’ behind its powdery flakes
like sparklin’ diamonds on a silvery lake

but much ta my dismay
i woke up this mornin’
to a dark dreary day

all yucky and gray
rainin’ and rainin’ some more
wet stuff galore

i woke up this mornin’
layin’ here on my blanket of red
dreadin’ gettin’ outta bed
but dreadin’ stayin’ in it

cause you ain’t here
ta hold me near


yeah, i woke up this mornin’
wantin’ some
soft mellow bliss

so come on over now
come on over and
gimme

a
little
kiss

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

she knew...



she knew -
standing there
on the slippery precipice
how could she not know
the danger
the darkness
the death
that awaited her
the soft silky mist
swirling
enveloped her soul
twirling
surrounded her
whirling
holding her gently
but holding her still
as her life force
poured into
the liquid torrent
that was
his
heart -
she knew -

Monday, November 30, 2009

the taste of raindrops...


















in sweet sleep
the soft rhythmic splash
of raindrops
trickled into her thoughts
like the
taste
of
him

Sunday, November 29, 2009

the compass...


wandering
wondering

pondering
plundering
lost and alone
faded and fallen
disowned unknown
yearning

longing
craving
not yet known
not yet found
gone

but never had
absent

barren
nonexistent
missing
missing me
missing you
missing us
wanting

needing
waiting
seeking searching
 

the foggy roads
  crooked paths
  raging rivers

the mist the miles
by love’s grace
all led but one place

toward my fate
 

one look
and
i was found
 

one touch
and
i belonged
 

one kiss
and
i was home

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

the dance...








































come to me
come with me
                                                               out of control          
to the chaos                      
through the ambivalence                             
into the lustlight        

come

Monday, November 23, 2009

terra incognita...


she had become homesick
for something quite unknown
something unfamiliar something she seemed
to have known to have felt to have been
some other time some other place
but when or where remained a mystery to her
what or who it was she could not remember
an agnogenic condition for sure but homesick she stayed
and so it was that her nostalgia grew
as did her yearning for that something missing
not complete not whole she could not quite grasp
sadness coupled with longing soon turned to despair
longing for a thing she could not even name despair for a thing unknown
the more she tried to remember to surrender
to the mist of her faded memory
the more embattled her soul
as if some stranger some trespasser
a foreign interloper had quietly and stealthily sneaked
into the deepest recesses of her self
and plucked and plundered till there was no more remaining
no more indeed not even a drop
of what was of what had been of what should still be
that obscure something for which her melancholy grew
and which soon twisted into a weariness begging for resignation
resigning herself to lost recollection to lost recognition
nothing could salvage what was not there
nothing short of divination
and so in her abject morbid meditation
as she sat staring into the nothingness of her days
something caught her eye
an illusion almost an image a manifestation
of something but of what
what was it that she saw there
staring back at her from the other side
slowly ever so slowly she began to see what was
it began to take shape to become -
that something she could not name
began to blossom to grow to regenerate
the skeletal pieces came together
blanketed by a soft pink flesh
under which she could feel
slowly but surely beating - her heart
she glanced furtively upward directly into the eyes of -
of that something she was missing
that she had almost forgotten
that she had nearly lost
the eyes of herSELF -
and then she saw not just the pieces but the whole
the thing for which she had become homesick
the thing unknown unfamiliar
it was her - 
without
him

Saturday, November 21, 2009

the pretenders...



the day they met
how could she forget
she’d found him in the phone book
the sound of his name drew her like a hook
she would say the words aloud
wrapping each in a mystical shroud
letting the syllables linger on her lips
tasting their softness like a lunar eclipse

she wondered of the spell they seemed to cast
the likes of which were unsurpassed
and so she waited debated over and over
carrying his number like a four leaf clover
then came the day she could no longer wait
she dialed his phone and sealed her fate
he did not just walk into the room
oh, no, he stormed into her life like a sonic boom
his passion striking with the speed of sound
and from that moment their love was bound
their fire and love did them enslave
merging and igniting their own shock wave
when they were together nothing else did exist
nothing mattered at all save their sweet kiss
their other lives became the means to an end
possible only for the life of pretend

and so it went moment by heated moment
one surrendered one stolen without a hint
or so they hoped or so they thought
but what if their ways would have them caught
and innocents would suffer at their hands
this her loving heart could not withstand
it would never be him to make the break
it was for her to love forsake
she tried once and then tried twice
but unable to leave she paid the price
until the day she knew had come
it was now or never or both succumb  
with heart so heavy she made her way
to tell him goodbye on that sad day
her words struck them both like an icy death
neither able to speak or get their breath
they stood embraced in disbelief
unable to grasp the depth of their grief
their tears a river would make
they tried to be strong for the other’s sake
whispering their love in sobbing quivers
knowing their lives were now mere slivers
of what they had cherished for such a short time
a love unknown by most true love sublime
but coming not in fate’s right time

she thinks of him now she thinks of them
and neither their time nor their love does she condemn
nothing in their lives really has changed
their hearts remain faithful their bodies estranged
their other lives again the means to an end
possible still with the life of pretend

Thursday, November 19, 2009

the west texas dust storm kinda love...


i want me some
west texas dust storm
kinda love
                    plowing
                    pounding
i want the kind that                           
rams into me like
a gale force wind
comin’ in 
striking me with
all its fury
knocking me out
of my arid reality
penetrating through
the outer layers
past the buffers
in between                   
                    plunging
                    puncturing
i want the kind that
shows no clemency
movin’ me
in ways inexplicable
entangling my hair
stinging my eyes
stirring my heart
ripping my soul apart
ramming deeper and deeper
grinding down and round
oozing into that deep dark
core of no return
                    penetrating
                    permeating                   
i want the kind that
drives the gusts
of love unbridled
transporting me from
the lifeless illusion
and hard dry surface of
my existence
suspending me in time
eroding all of what was
depositing what is into
the lush oasis of love
unknown before
                    piercing the heart
                    piercing the flesh
                    merciless
yeah, i want me some
west texas dust storm
kinda love...
                    electrifying
                    death-defying

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

the hope...






























hear my tears that are not wept
        this the only hope she kept
know the words left unsaid
        for to another was he wed

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

the jewel...


she crept through all the motions
casting aside her burning emotions
day after day and night after night
fighting her cares with all her might

she dressed for the eyes of others
tho she’d clothe not at all given her druthers
shimmering gown and sparkling jewels
all adorned for the judging fools
   
if only they knew what they could not see
for deep down inside was a screaming banshee
but what could they know of love so true
which to them was only a torrid taboo

and so it was that she went moment by moment
pretending without a hint not even a glint
living a lie lying to live unable to forgive
her heart breaking bleeding like a sieve

passion unbridled soul on fire
all for a love she n’er could acquire

freedom of the fence...


























fence
barrier
barbwire
split rail
envelop
entwine
hold
open plains
circle round
climb over
climb under
gate open
never locked
open wide
shut behind
leave any time
no one in
only us
free to go
free to stay
free to be
need to be
free

society's compound...































its fence did not me confine 
it did not me bind
          lock in - convention 

it did not contain
it did not me detain
          keep out - conduct 

it did not control
it did not me enroll
          lock out - conform 

it did not conquer
it did not me defer
          keep in - correct 

it took not its toll
nor did it take my heart or my soul

the fairytale lake...



there once in heaven was a maiden fair
with deep brown eyes and long dark hair
born on the moon to the molten sun
her life on earth just begun


when there she met a man of stone and ice
with snow white hair and cold blue eyes
who lived afar in the vast frozen land  
neither sun nor heat could thus withstand


but in his eyes she saw the key
to the shackles of all to set them free
from his barren heart and her fiery fate
together they trekked to the glacier’s gates


and there made camp on an alpine lake
with temperate climes they could partake
and so they found the way to love long lost
in a land of warmth and a touch of frost   

Friday, November 13, 2009

THE LOVERS'...























 embrace
  the searing heat
of passion
  burning coals
of desire
branding love
with its fire
 

Thursday, November 12, 2009

the waning moon maiden...






































she was the moon maiden
and like her waning crescent cousin
poised in the heavens
so too was she losing a part of her self
now that she was without him
him - her star bright
in her dark dreary life illuminating enlightening inflaming 
him - never wandering weaving wavering
him - always constant changeless continual
unlike the other sky warriors 
cycling circling round and round
but there came one day the time of eclipse
when the blackest black reality
blocked her vision of the brightest of them all
and she knew in the shadow of that moment
what she must do
she had known all along but could not find the strength
to do what had to be done
the dreaded time drew nigh
time had run its course 
and so it was that the
beautiful moon maiden
followed her fate losing her shape
and disappeared into the midnight hour
not to be seen till the faint light of morn
never again to be seen by her own starlove
now only a crescent sliver of her glorious self
without him