i surrender...

i have fought far too long
etching memories into my heart
storing them safely
to take them down from
the shelf of what was
to hold them still to caress them
to sniff the fragrance of their time
a time when life was
when love was
when i was
when we were
fearing life unbearable
without the flavor of their reality
i have fought far too long
keeping them alive
keeping them at the surface
of the waters of my mind
where they could remain forever
cellularly connected to the me of me
so that my soul might still survive
the dankness and darkness of
the nothingness of now
the now without you
the now without us
and therefore, the now without me
for what can remain of me
when that part of me that
completed me is gone
is no longer with me
no longer beside me
no longer in me
leaving this
nothingness of now
this absence this void
i have fought far too long
yes, it is true
so now - now -
now - i surrender
i surrender me
i surrender all that was
all that could have been
that should have been
that never can be again
i surrender all
else how might i go on
how might you continue
each not living while alive
each choosing death by life
so i surrender
to love to passion to life
i surrender to us
i shall choose to live
for us both
you there and me here
smiling for what was
weeping not
for what cannot be
yes, i surrender -
i surrender to the
magnificence of now

the magnificence the now
of love’s holy memories