love unlived...

i cannot live
in time stood still
where all I have is love unlived 

i cannot live

a loveless life

yet i go on in secret strife

the dark of my heart...

light’s gone out down here           
deep down inside my heart
can't seem to find the way       
to turn it back on           
not sure i want to
there's comfort here
in the dark
the dark of my heart
there are things down here 
i don’t wanna see   
things i don’t wanna know       
light comes back on
no place to hide
no place to go
away from the light
wanna go back into the night
of shadows and dreams
where everything’s as it seems
go back down the one-way stairs
into the black of the black
never look up never look back
just stay down here
deep down inside
in the dark
the dark of my heart

peony love...

like a
sweet peony potpourri
nectar of the bourgeoisie
jasmine laced lady’s parfum
pink tea roses in summer’s bloom
you sweeten my hips
glaze my lips
your love
sweet elixer
come quench
my parched life

~ please don't miss today's other post below ~

love interruptus...a relationship ended before its time...

we had only just begun
our act of love

virginal love
both virgins in love such as this
love immaculate love supreme
pure love but a love unprotected
from the ravages of reality
unprotected from the claims of others
unprotected love seeking sanctuary
in the arms of each other
  seeking fulfillment
love 
penetrating
deeper 
and deeper
bearing us both to the brink
the brink of the white light
blinding us both to all
but the moment
the stolen moments
moments molded from
lifetimes of hunger unabated
leaving love defenseless vulnerable
uncovered naked open
withdrawal
the only salvation
interruption
the only way
to interrupt to stop to go no further
withdraw pull out pull away
withdraw my self my body
from the crimson cavern of us
withdrawing me 
interrupting our love
before it exploded erupted ejaculated
withdraw
before it was too late
too late for a lateness
that could never be undone
withdrawing
interrupting
pulling out pulling away
before  the seed of love
traveled further
inward and further still
implanting itself attaching itself
to the cores of our hearts
fertilized by forces impenetrable
forces unknown unforseen unforsaken
love revolving evolving into life
into life bigger than our own
the life of us together
life beget by passion by love
by virginal love
pure love
yes
withdraw
me
but never my heart
never my heart
from
our

love interrupted

the perfect attire...

their lives have
now become the imitation
of their wardrobes
lives of meticulous perfection
lives of appropriate attire
not too low
not too high
not too
lives of soundless severity
coifed and polished
and neatly crisply put away
for another day
to be shown displayed
at the right time
the right place
with the right people
the passion of their
life now relegated
to the accessories
on the table of marriage
a touch of red here and there
in just the right spot
artificially lit
dimmed at the switch
coloring flaws invisible
a crystalline heart empty
except for special occasions
holding a bouquet of
life plucked from the earth
life within bounds
the decanter of life’s experiences
only partially drunk
not too much
not too little
just right
he has his place
she, hers
and never the twain to meet
but for the neat linen fabric
of the dinner table
he feigns not his disdain
of her of their life together
his chair turned and open
ready for quick retreat
for his withdrawal
from her
from them
and she
she has her place
and lives it well
pulled tightly against
the hard surfaces of her life
of their marriage
the hard surfaces of him
her neck strained
strained from the
strained reality of
their marriage
of her strained existence
the downward slant of
facial expressions painting
the family portrait
with vague memories
of youth’s precious jewels
held in place by the smallest
most discreet remnants of
sparkle in the imitation locks
and her porcelain hands laid in
perfect unison perfectly
grasping the holy sacrament
in covert defiance of dionysus
and so they sit in silence
indifferent apathetic silence
in their indifferent marriage
their indifferent lives  
dressed in their
perfect attire
of black

- please don't miss today's other post below -

the unworld...

my spirit my soul
my body
recoils rebels revolts
at even the thought
at the slightest thought
of it becoming reality
our reality
my spirit is sickened
my heart weeps and bleeds
my mind cannot grasp it
cannot touch it
cannot see or feel
any part of it
let alone
embrace it
live it
as real
it is a world “un”real
in every sense of the word
in every sense of the world
of this world and the
world of what was and the
world of what would have been
the unworld where nightmares
become sanctuary
life without living
the only way i know
and now
now
the unworld of
what is
         the world
      without
      you

silent words...

i cannot say aloud the words
that fill my heart
yet rip my soul apart
that if I said
would leave us both dissolved instead

i cannot speak
in voices heard my love for you
yet in my silent screams I do
of life within our stolen time
for we both know you are not mine

- please don't miss today's other post below -

slippin' softly...

want the world to go away
don’t even want to stay
where streets are dark
my heart stripped stark
of love and light and might
and dreams don’t come in the night
where all my thoughts of lovin’ you
are colored with the blues
and hope for more
slips softly out the door

the invitation...

your eyes
invite me in
in through the door
opened to but a few
the door kept locked
and chained by
desolation desperation
   
your eyes
unwrap my soul
baring my own lonely heart
unwinding undoing
the ties placed round it
holding the pieces in place
till your healing comes home

your eyes
undress my body
revealing the wanton
undergarments of
of wasted life
exposing my naked desire
opening the pores
of past and present

your eyes
lay me down
upon your soul’s pallet
too long empty
barren and brittle
waiting longing
for the passion of love
to ignite it once again

your eyes
beseech my own
to warm your cold
colorless frigid heart
wrap it in crimson tides
hold it close
heart to heart
the two made one

your eyes
invite me in

my own true heart...

would that i could
on this heart day
give to you
my own true heart
but i cannot
for you have had it
now since long
before we ever met
it has always
been yours -
always

walkin' the blues...

you ask about my words

words of sadness
of heaviness of haunting
cloudy words
words colored with the blues


their sounds of sorrow
come from the shadows
of those dark streets
where the sun don’t shine
where love is a one-way
dead-end alley
the heart’s barren tenements
testimony to the emptiness
of lonely days where
the only defense from
the elements of reality
lies in the black cloak
of endless nights
the only light beaming
down from last years
twinklestars in the sky
james dean walkin’ down
in times square
that’s no longer square
just a closed circle
no way in no way out


and it’s true i feel haunted
but aren't we all
haunted
haunted by someTHING
someONE
by ourSELF?
from this life or
another life
haunted for sure
and threads of that haunting
trailing along with us still
leaving a legacy to be told
to be spoken
to be woven into words
haunted threads
waiting to be woven into words
and when the weavin’ is done
displayed for all to see
to feel to taste to hear
words


yeah, i’ve walked those streets
the streets of the blues
saw you there one night too
walked those blues
most of my life
know the neighborhood

like the back of my hand
the dark empty streets
with the harmonica wailin'
from the shadows
the streets of the unfulfilled
the unrequited the unlived
the avenue of unlove
the avenue of unlife
still walkin’ those blues
right beside you


[inspired by roger, trevor, nevine, trish - 
to whom i  send much gratitude and love]

the crimson vessel...

heart’s so full

of dark gray clouds

got me in its pull

wanna scream out loud

                        
but sound don’t come
to a heart heavy as mine
thoughts turned numb
stayin' alive just to pine

seems the skies above
feel the same bleak way
weepin’ my loss of love
drippin’ sadness night and day

rains come down
deep into my soul
so ‘fraid i’m gonna drown
and it stings me so

trickles down thru my flesh
strippin’ ‘way all that’s left
leavin’ nothin’ but an empty mess
like a sneaky sinister theft 

winds of despair
leavin’ my mind tossed about
can’t rebuild can’t repair
this crimson vessel full of doubt

do you...

do you think
of any other
save for me

do you see
the other
and think of me

do you hold
another and
feel only me

do you kiss
the other lips
but taste my own

do you cry
her name aloud
but hear just mine

does your body
find distasteful
all but ...
mine

i know -
because i do
you, too

heat wave... - ONE OF TWO POSTS TODAY -

i feel a

heat wave

comin’ on

from down deep

in my soul

heat wave all

bubblin’ boilin’

steam risin' up

through all those

crimson layers

curlin’ and swirlin’

sneakin' its way

right up from

my red painted toes

all the way up to

my frizzled fried hair

i feel a

heat wave

comin’ on

stickin’ its little ole

self up through

my frazzled veins

like a

commandeered

night train

revin’ its big engines

up the hard steel tracks

of your

sideways glances

into my heart

oh, yeah,

i feel a

heat wave comin’ on

comin’ on down

those tracks

rammin’ its way

right straight into

the tunnel of love

takin’ no prisoners

on its run

leavin’ nothin’ to

the sun

oh, yeah,

i feel a

heat wave comin’ on

PLEASE DON'T MISS TODAY'S OTHER POST BELOW!!!

these rags...

let me shed
these threadbare rags
the clothes of convention
wardrobe of society      
ecclesiastical attire
the dirty laundry of
women like me
of women
of me
of ME

these garments
that encumber me so
that stifle and stigmatize
that suffocate my soul
suffer me so
suffer my heart

rip them from my body
strip them away from the meat of my bones
tear them from my pure white flesh
the touch of them igniting burning branding
the texture of my thoughts

 


then throw them back
from whence they came
from whence they were sent
into the cesspools
of their own making
they have designed their own demise
and will inherit their own destruction
in their own way and in their own time

and i
i shall dress
i shall dress me
in the fabric of my imagination
the tapestry of tangible visions
woven from the heartstrings
of mine own spirit
i shall wear frocks of silken silence
shaped by voices unheard
sewn with the threads of
my heart’s love

dressing or not dressing

in my own way and in my own time

and i
i shall live  
i shall live by the dictates
of mine own heart
by the requisites of
love that guides me
bears me with its beauty
with its truth
upholding that which is good
which bears no evil
which loves for loves sake alone
giving all to love for love
asking nothing in return
loving as i go
in my own way and in my own time

and i
i shall love
i shall love you
YOU

just fyi -

yesterday

storm's beginning

just to let you all know i've not been away by choice at all - we are in the midst of a huge blizzard with more than 2-1/2 feet of snow out our front door - a lot of people are without power but ours has remained on for which i am so grateful - however, have had no cable or internet or land phones until about an hour ago [since friday] - entire state shut down basically [so unlike roger's canada where all are in a constant state of preparedness for storms of way more magnitude than our little piddly one ;)

- we have managed to clear the drive to the street but the street remains under all the snow as state and private plows all under emergency use for keeping main roads open - no private developments/neighborhoods have been plowed yet and no one knows when they will be - good news is that sun was out all day yesterday and is out today - beautiful - bad news is that another foot or more of snow expected to hit tomorrow into all day wednesday in this area all the way over to dc and into pennsylvania, etc - oh, and other bad news - now running out of basic necessity kinds of supplies -

please send saint bernards - chocolate, fresh fruit and wine appreciated! 

is it her - or -

is it her name

you cry in
the silent screams
of your lifeless dreams

her scent
that gives you flight
on crimson wings in the night

is it her laughter
that fills the bottomless hole
dug deep within your poor lost soul
   
her flesh
that burns now your own
through layered shreds of crystal bone

is it her soul
that cradles you gently in the bleak black blue
left behind by anguised adieu

her spirit
that holds in love the charred remains
of life’s last embers within your veins

is it
is it hers

or
is
it

mine

come thee...

come thee to me from
the frigid forest holding you hostage
the frozen tundra of lifeless images
from the cold dark chambers of your heart
the empty streets of your life
from the dark wasteland of lust long forgot
the empty caverns of your loins
come thee to me in
the whispers of your thoughts
in the shadows of your soul
your fingers long lost touch
in the tasteless surface of your tongue
the aching rivers of your yearning
in the scorching heat now burning
come thee to me
find shelter from the storm
warmth from the cold
come thee to me

in thirst and in hunger
sip thy fill from the holy grail
eat from my sweet fruit
come thee to me

come lay with me...

come lay with me
in silent streams
sing to me the ancient dreams
whisper songs of loves regime

hear in me the unheard screams
that leave behind their silent schemes
and touch in us the one true theme

lay me down on gossamer wings
and fly with me to nights raw gleam
then taste in me the silken cream

come lay with me
till the gods redeem
and grant us grace in their esteem
come lay with me

bare walls...

these bare walls

display now the fragments
of what was
the ribbons and colors of us
hanging dangling now in oblivion
as do we
brandishing about
our naked desires
exposing for us to see
the unseeable the invisible
the unthinkable
of life apart
each without the other
these barren walls
flaunt the fractures and fissures
of frigid reality
of my reality
our reality

these walls bare

my soul my spirt
my love my lust
your lust love
uncontrollable craving
carving striping away the shroud
of make believe
of what we wanted needed
of what could be
what we would be should be
leaving open and crusted now
my bleeding heart
bleeding weeping seeping
through the cracks and crevices
of life without color
without substance
life without you without us
without love
life without living

these walls bear

the crucifix of love defied
enduring all for love alone
these walls suffer
my sins your sins our sins
bearing the weight
of what we wanted what we took
in greed and gluttony
as if our shallow skeletons
would shatter without the oasis of us
these walls also bear
love defined love sublime
love in this life unlived unfulfilled
abiding the transcripts of time and place
bearing me bearing you into us
carrying into the next life
holding and carrying gently
love into that existence
bearing us both
into that morrow
when these walls
will no longer be...

bare